Fart Alert

I just walked into Autumn's room. It smelled horrible. I asked if there was some sort of food she had left in there for days. She said, "No, I've just been farting."

Down South in Philadelphia

Said in a southern accent: "I really did see mommy kissing Santa Claus! I'm gonna tell my dad!"

Elvis

"Every Christmas Eve I dream about me and Elvis Presley eating candy canes for half an hour."

An apple a day, keeps the ladies in check.

"This is how I handle the ladies, I throw apples at them." -Autumn, while playing Tony Hawk on playstation.