Fart Alert

I just walked into Autumn's room. It smelled horrible. I asked if there was some sort of food she had left in there for days. She said, "No, I've just been farting."

Down South in Philadelphia

Said in a southern accent: "I really did see mommy kissing Santa Claus! I'm gonna tell my dad!"

Elvis

"Every Christmas Eve I dream about me and Elvis Presley eating candy canes for half an hour."

An apple a day, keeps the ladies in check.

"This is how I handle the ladies, I throw apples at them." -Autumn, while playing Tony Hawk on playstation.

Granny

Autumn: I think Thanksgiving probably has a spirit.

Me: What, like a turkey ghost?

Autumn: NO, like Granny....Apple.....Smith......She haunts people, I've seen her.

Mangel

Looking at our angel tree top,
Autumn says, "It's a Mangel."
I ask, "What?"
She says, "A Mangel. A man angel."

Secret Weapon

I was playing around with Autumn, hugging her and not letting her go. She kept trying to get away, then she farted. I immediately let go of her and said, "Ew!" She says, "My secret weapon!"

I'm gonna be sick!

At Chuck E Cheese, pretending to puke on the roller coaster ride. Making noises and everything. I laughed, while other parents stood and looked at me with disgust and/or shock.

Hairy Men.

"Mommy, ya know that boy who plays Troy on Highschool Musical? I just found out he has armpit hair! GROSS!"

It Smells.

I just told Autumn I'd be right back  because I had to pee.

She says, "I just went, it smells really bad in there."